It’s always going to be like this, isn’t it?

As I write this post, it’s a dull and grey day in December, and we’ve had our first bit of snow. Life happens completely indoors. Ideally, I’d hibernate through to March, haha. I can’t be bothered doing anything other than sit on the couch snuggled up under a blanket while watching Netflix and enjoying a cup of green tea. Of course I don’t and I actually do things, because I have my responsibilities like the adulting hooman that I am.

But my mind wanders…

I read posts or watch YouTube videos from people on these amazing adventures, travelling all the time and all over the world. People packing up their lives and making that huge change from a regular and socially accepted work life to a life closer to the life of their dreams. I’m always left with a weird feeling of wanting and not wanting at the same time.

Because I’d like to think I have my life quite together, I’m content with what I have achieved, and I like my life. Sometimes though, I get this inexplicable feeling of wanting to claw my way out of the life that I built for myself. I don’t understand how people do it…changing their lives a full 180, leaving everyone and everything behind. I guess I view that with a mixture of feelings. Because it would amazing to go on such a huge adventure, being able to go where the wind blows. It would be amazing to able to slow down, to walk away from people I don’t like, to have fewer responsibilities, etc. It’s just…I don’t think I’m able or willing to choose.

So I travel. I travel to fill up my senses, to satisfy my need to throw everything out of whack every once in a while. I travel to flush my grey matter clean of any clogged up comfort and routines, to adventure around the globe and go as far as I can go. I travel to breathe, to immerse myself in beautiful nature, to lead a simpler life and take the pace down a notch or two. I travel to get closer to the elements, closer to nature. And closer to me.

Maybe part of the reason I’m a bit restless right now is the end of the year approaching. This time last year, I was in New Zealand. This year, things went a bit differently. Good things happened and it was a good year overall, but I was also thrown a major curve ball making me reevaluate some things. I spent all my holidays in the first half of the year as well, leaving me with a six-month work stretch until the end of the year. It’s tough and I’m tired.

But, a new year means new opportunities, new holiday time to plan better throughout the year. It means time to enjoy nature and do all those things that I love about travelling. I’m planning my travels for next year and I’m excited to have it all ahead still!

It may not sound like enough for some, but it will have to be for me. I want my cake and eat it too! So I’ll continue to work, travel and live with the notion that it’s always going to be like this: caught between responsibility and the need for adventure.